Inside · a · Paradoxical · Reality

No one obviously gives a fuck about me. I tried to make plans with Everyone tonight but it was in vain. Tonight was always so special between me and josh. Tonight hes sharing that with someone else. It was tolerable last year because I was with damon, but this year im alone. Im alone and everything is eating away at me. I wish I knew the bitchs number. Oh would she love to hear some juicy things me and "her man" have done while they've been together. hahaha. She'd probably cry the poor dear. Like my guys friends are only there when they want to get laid...Im sick of this bullshit. Im sick of it. Why do they want to use me? Im really not THAT evil am i? It just never ends. I always end up with my heart in pieces. THese are the people I love though. These are the ones i care about the ones who fucking choose to hurt me. Lie. and manipulate my body and heart. He was angry when i called him.Im so angry yet at the same time sad. I dont know what to feel. happy fucking new years.

1. Your Name:
2. Age:
3. Favorite position:
4. Do you think I'm cute?
5. Would you have sex with me?
6. lights on or off?
7. Would you have to be drunk?
8. Would you take a shower with me?
9. Have you ever thought about having sex with me?
10. Would you leave after or stay the night?
11. Do you like cuddling afterwards?
12. Condom or skin?
13. Have sex on the first date?
14. Would you kiss me during sex?
15. Do you think I would be good in bed?
16. Would you use me as a booty call?
17. Can I use you as a booty call?
18. Can we take pictures of the act?
19. How long would we have sex?
20. Would you tell your friends about me?
21. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?
22. Should I unscreen your answer?

myspace.com/poisonedthorn

I added music on there that Roman D/Josh/and myself created. Its only 99 cents per song, so why not take a look and buy some if you like them enough!!
(its under general at the top)

(oh and if you buy any or have some constrictive criticism, that would be great if you could let me know.. )

Thank you.

-Erica

So here I am writing in my daily log instead of doing the much needed school work of Personal Finance. Oh well. This lesson is rather hard its about taxes, who gives a fuck, right? lol I'd like to get SOMEthing out of this course however I dont see it happening. mmmm..I'm hungry now, perhaps i'll go to mcd's their food always cheers me up. :P

I need to be optimistic and try for this job. Its a dog washing thing, I do love animals and another plus I dont need to be around people. Yay! However, the pay sucks its about 7 maybe 6 an hour. Now if I work there maybe 4 days a week I can make some good money to move in with Josh! All I need is some cash to contribute towards food. I just need to work, do my college material, remember to take my med(s), and finally drive ALONE to my therapy.... Eek.

Josh is still sick. I'm ok I guess, just really fucking tired. I actually slept last night too which is nice.I'm really confused about something. Lately, when I think about a word about to talk.(talking about subconsciously, of course) However, when I go to speak or type the word it comes out as jibberish. I did this before, but never to the extent as now while i'm on this med. I wonder if my Neurotransmitters are fucked up in some way, perhaps thats why
messages aren't getting though... Then again I'd have more serious issues if it was true. Blah.

Well, Josh's Gift arrived today, I tested it out to make sure it was working. Its very cool and bigger then what I expected! lol. unfortunately I am missing a piece, but the seller told me he'd send something else. :D

I'm writing lyrics lately, one of my songs may appear on a friends cd.

I'm actually in a good mood day, weird.

Time for homework.

What if all the unexplained fears, phobias, ect. actually have a simple rational explanation.
Perhaps, we're all forms of a past life. Everyone dies but what lies after death is still uncertain.

The idea of reincarnation fits.

I have a strong fear of flying. I was never in a predicament where my life was at stake while on an aircraft, I just developed an irrational fear over a period of time. I believe that in a past life around the age where I started to fear the 'object', I had a traumatic experience of some sort.
That means all irrational fears are in fact legitimate.

Make sense?